Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Congratulations Barack, but...

...I don't know what conclusions I would have drawn this morning if I found out you were bested by a sprawling void wrapped in an empty vessel filling up a stuffed suit.  I was elated to learn that at least a razor-thin majority of your compatriots are not retarded.  I mean, seriously, how could anybody vote for that guy?

I could go on like a lot of disillusioned people about your "failures" but what's done is done, and guess what word comes after "fiscal" first now when you type it into google?  Cliff.  So deal with that.  Even though you are under less pressure to deliver results now that you have secured re-election, I know you will try.  Because you are a good guy.

And that's all I can say.  The Fed, The Pentagon, The military industrial complex, Wall Street, Big Oil, Big Coal, Newscorp, Time Warner, Apple, Microsoft, and Hollywood (McDonald's Starbucks Wal-Mart Nike) ran America on November 5th and they're still running it today on November 7th.  So I don't think you really changed anything and I don't think you are going to change anything.  But it still would be an honour to meet you.

Because you're biggest accomplishment has been laying bare the ideological bankruptcy of the republican party.  Let's face it, the American economy and public sector both being in the state they're in, this election was theirs to lose.  And what did they do with this opportunity? Draft a mormon who advances his positions with as much conviction as a pile of freshly cut toenails, give him an anti-government Ayn Rand-disciple crusader whose salary has been 100% paid by the taxpayer his entire adult life (and still is - he hung onto his congressional seat simultaneously just in case) as a running mate, and throw in a couple redneck nutjob Senate candidates talking about rape, abortion, and god in 2012 and yeah, this morning's pleasant surprise wasn't such a surprise after all.

I don't think the Democratic Party is a paragon of virtue, or hope, or sound management, or competence.  But two party democracy, flawed and undemocratic as it is, needs at least two parties.  So why don't you republicans try to find some real f------ politicians for next time (all but certain to be Chris Christie I think)?  And drop that "GOP" acronym.  Grand 'Ole Party? More like Goofball Obsolete Putzses.

Monday, 5 November 2012

U.S. Election 2012 - I endorse the end of endorsements

I don't know if I'm becoming crochety in old age, if bullshit irritates me more than it used to, or if the galloping stupidity of our times is responsible for an ever-increasing level of ridiculousness in our political theatre.  Probably some combination of the three.  In any event, here today on Lacking Credentials I am making a formal request, a serious, pleading, heartfelt request, for windbag politicians everywhere to quit it with their fucking stupid self-important "endorsements" of candidates in other races or elections.  I am also asking the media to stop parroting these endorsements to the general public as if they mattered or anybody gave a shit because I can tell you that, in 99% of cases, they don't.  An "endorsement" implies that 1)the endorser has a large following of people who value their opinions, 2) they have credibility on the matter they are providing the endorsement for, and 3) they are important enough that their endorsement will/could actually sway the outcome of the result, therein being the logic of taking the trouble to make a public announcement and going on the record with the opinion in the first place.  In the vast majority of instances this is not the case.

Rather the vast majority of endorsements I come across can be grouped into two varieties.  First, there are those where it is already perfectly obvious who the person supports, and whose endorsements consequently mean they are either to be self-important narcissists or ass-kissing sycophants.  Did anyone actually think for a second Rob Ford didn't support Stephen Harper in the last Canadian Federal Election?  And how many of the people in the list at the bottom of this article did you think were gunning for Romney?

Answer: none of them, which is why it probably never occurred to you to care if or wonder who they endorsed in the first place.

I shouldn't be unfair to all these well-known and lesser-known screen personalities.  There is nothing wrong with being a known supporter of somebody or having your political leanings known.  But if any of them took the time to formally endorse, I would tell them to get the f--- over themselves and get back on the set where they belong.

Their endorsements, formal or informal, are nonetheless a million times more tolerable than the second type, the deluded joke ex-politician endorsement.  Take the case of ex-Ontario Deputy Premier George Smitherman, who was recently front-row centre of Glen Murray's annoucement of his leadership bid to lead the criminal syndicate known as the Ontario Liberal Party.  This goof tells reporters without a sniff of irony that "he's not sure if he's formally endorsing anyone yet".  Well look who's come down from their mountain top throne -  probably the biggest fuckup in Canadian provincial government history who ran three ministries into the ground, doled out billions to corrupt scammers at eHealth and ornge, never mind that spectacularly ill-conceived green energy act/deal with samsung, and after pitting his massive intellect against Rob Ford's and losing is coming out of the woodwork to lend his heft to some poor bastard trying to grab the steering wheel of the titanic.  Thanks George: you were the inspiration for this article, and I'm sure your ex-colleagues are too polite to tell you to keep your shitty endorsements to yourself.

What does the word "endorsement" come from? Doesn't it make you think of athletes?  I can't help but think I would do it too if I were them - millions of dollars to lend my pretty face to a product for an afternoon that I have no actual obligation to use?  My romantic opposition to "selling out" has a pretty hard time turning its nose up at that.  But for all you other well-intentioned whoevers out there freely lending your name to politicians you like thinking people care what you think because of your astute political minds, I'm asking you one more time: Keep your political endorsements to yourselves.  You're not LeBron James, or whoever's face sells whatever these days (Not a lot of other names come to mind now that Lance is a cheater and Tiger's a ho-bag, especially for someone who doesn't own a TV).


Americans deserve whoever they elect tomorrow.  There's Lacking Credentials f------ endorsement.

Actors and actresses